Ghost Hunters FanFiction: Season 2 Episode 21: Ent
by SpoilerSpielman
Summary: Andy defects the team to start his own paranormal society, and TAPS gets a some help from the animal kingdom


Gotta give props to the good people at Heckler & Koch and of course, IAMS pet food for all the info on 'Wolfie'...you'll see what I mean. Alright, here it is, straight out of Sci Fi's editing room, Episode 21: Enter Demento!

**fade in to a shot of Andy in a bathroom holding a baby for a commercial**

Andy: Hi friends, I'm Andy Andrews, founder of The Atlantic Paranormal Society and the star of Sci Fi channel's hit reality series, Ghost Hunters

**holds up an adorable baby girl**

Andy: And there's no debunking the myth that diaper rash is bad for baby...that is until you use Johnson and Johnson baby powder!

**scene shows proper application of said baby powder to the baby**

Andy: And remember, Johnson and Johnson baby powder is also for adults-that's right grandpa and grandma, I'm lookin' at you.

**scene shows Andy holding baby with a generic old couple posing as grandparents**

Andy: Johnson and Johnson baby powder-becuase my bottom is very sensitive!

**fade out**

Announcer: On this episode of Ghost Hunters; tempers fly as Andy's popularity starts overshadowing the team

**scene of Jason at confessional**

Jason: Andy is just out of control-he didn't found TAPS, I **expletive** did!

Announcer: Jason and Grant expel Andy from TAPS, severing ties with the emerging star

**scene of Andy at a confessional**

Andy: I believe I was released because Jason is just jealous, becuase I can debunk better than he can...oh yeah, and there's also the fact that I don't eat six cheeseburgers for breakfast...lunch...and dinner.

Announcer: Things go on as usual until Andy crashes the second annual TAPS Family Barbecue

**scene shows Andy pulling in to the park in an H3**

Andy: Guys, let me show you the new way! How about no more bitching about lost equipment!

**Brian starts clapping and cheering**

Andy: How about no more complaints about Dust, and no more Tiara's!

**Tango cheers and claps**

Andy: How about a paranormal society that will work around your schedules, not dismiss viable evidence as 'dust', not bust your hump over setting up equipment while they sit back and delegate, how about a lead investigator that isn't a jerk and that isn't capable of eating a whole live cow!

**crowd-including Jason's wife-starts cheering**

Jason: **expletive****expletive**!

Andy: My fellow pursuants of the unknown, I give you The Andy Andrews Paranormal Society! 

Announcer: TAPS must cope, as members switch sides by the dozens

**scene of members at a confessional**

Paula: Andy promised me breast implants

Brian: Andy gave me my job back as tech crew chief and he also set up an appointment with a Steel company in Detroit...ya know, for my braces...

Keith: Andy promised not to berate me in front of my family

Chris **Jason's wife**: Andy is a knock out in bed, he does this thing where he dresses up like Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver...

Dustin: Andy promised me my very own TAAPS investigators calendar-of course its MY calendar-I'm in every picture. He even gave me this beautiful porcelain mask that I can wear when we go investigating, so that my immaculate face won't be harmed by a spirit or...

Announcer: But TAPS carries on its mission with a makeshift crew

**scene shows Grant with 'Wolfenstein' the German Shepherd in the opening credits of the show**

Grant: Here Wolfie! Yeah so, since we're down to Jason, myself and Steve, we needed another investigator to help out, so Wolfenstein, my German Shepherd is gonna be our EMF dog.

**scene of Steve at the confessional**

Steve: I'm just not working well with an animal; I actually found out today that the dog outranks me because Grant had him since he was 32. Last week, the dog somehow impregnanted a turkey...I hate my life...

Announcer: And Jason starts losing it

**scene of Jason at The Sizzler with Grant...he is surrounded by lobster shells**

Jason: Yeah, so swallows I did the funniest thing yesterday after I saw my kids and my soon to be **expletive** of an ex-wife.

Grant: What's that?

Jason: laughing disturbingly with a shrimp tail hanging from his mouth ...I hired a hitman to go after Andy...he said he'd even do it for free...isnt that funny?

Grant: ...what the fadge...

**Grant holds his head in his hands...then passes Jason the dipping butter**

Announcer: Jason prepares for the last showdown

**scene of Jason at confessional**

Jason: This guy, he calls himself 'Demento'. He's a little weird, but he and I share one thing in common...a hatred for that toothpick of a person, Andy Andrews.

**scene shows Jason at Demento's apartment-various rifle cartridges and sniping paraphernalia are thrown about his living room**

Jason: I want him to suffer...

Demento: Well, for this, my first and only hit and life's mission, I sold my Toyota and blew my bank account on this...

**Jason's eyes grow wide with amazement**

Demento: Oh yeah; this my rotund friend is the H&K PSG-1, a semi-automatic sniper rifle. It has a laser scope, adjustable grip and cheek rest, 10 round magazine, a $1500 scope, mountings...

Announcer: Are Andy's days numbered?

Roll opening credits

EXTENDED SCENE

Okay, so to round this out, I got my hands on the final scene in the episode...

**scene opens to Jason and Andy arguing in front of TAAPS headquarters-a six story building next to WWE headquarters**

Jason: Look Andy, lets just put down the hatchet, and be friends...

Andy: Really?

Jason: Yeah, just stand right there...next to that white circle on the floor...

Andy: Um okay...

**scene shows Demento aiming the rifle at Andy-he flicks his thumb to release the safety catch**

Demento: looking through scope OMG..you little bastard, I'm gonna blow your head clean off laughs  
just stop bobbing your head for one second...

Jason: Yeah, so like I said, just stand right there...

Andy: What's with this circle...hey what's with the laser pointer Jason?

Jason: Prepare to become an EVP you little **expletive**-bag!

**the last scene shows Demento slowly pulling the trigger...fade to black**

**A loud rifle shot is heard**

TO BE CONTINUED

WTF! Yeah I know, that's what I said...apparently, so much happened that the editors at Sci Fi decided to make it a two part episode and air the second part with the premiere of Stargate Minneapolis next January. But fret not, my sources are burning the midnight oil to get the transcripts from part II

DELETED SCENE

To hold everyone off until then, I obtained a little snipet of Jason trying to contract a hitman...

Jason: Hi this is Jason Conrad Hawes, I'd like to put out a hit on someone.

Unknown: Right, real covert, don't cry when the FBI nabs you you bleeped loser...

**click...dial tone**

Jason: That's funny...hmm...these guys call themselves The Agency-let me call them...

**rings**

Secretary: Good evening, this is Diana at The Agency

Jason: Hi, my name is Jason Conrad Hawes, I want to pay you to kill someone for me...

Diana: Very well, the price will be $150,000 up front...

Jason: Umm...I don't have that kind of cash...anything cheaper?

Diana: Our man is a professional sir, you do not pay a professional an amateur sum

Jason: Can't he like just do it, and I'll like...fix his toilet?

Diana: Excuse me!

Jason: Yeah, I work for Roto Rooter-c'mon, nobody's plumbing is perfect, while I bet...

**click...dial tone**

Jason: Huh? Dammit...lemme try this next one...

**rings**

Unknown: Hello?

Jason: Hi, is this Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris: ...yeah...why?

Jason: Well, I saw this movie you were in and I uh, well...could you kill someone for me?

Chuck Norris: WHAT!

Jason: Yeah, I mean you're a hitman right? You see there's this little bastard that...

Chuck Norris: Now listen as hard as you **expletive** can, don't ever call this number!

**click...dial tone**

END SCENE

Part 2 coming soon!


End file.
